Why Any DM Not Using Google+ Groups is a Moron

No snark, no transvestite gamer-guy pictures. Not this time. Why? I know everybody loves that stuff. But not tonight. (Nope. No transvestites tonight. Except yours truly, but that's another story, and it was for a good cause.)

I just want to put out a quick bunch of links for all you die-hard geeks, the ones so indelibly marked with the geek-bug that you not only play tabletop RPG's, you make tabletop RPG's: you draw the maps and stat-out the NPC's. Yeah...you, the Dungeon Master, the Game Master, the Storyteller, whatever monicker you pick, you're that guy. Or, rather, this poor bastard:


"You Cheeto-fingered morons, that princess won't save herself."

So you're working on your story, laying out intricate plots and story hooks and detailed NPC's, knowing all the time that your players will only remember "that one time when we killed all those dudes and I got that badass sword from the old guy". It's a thankless job, hours and hours of prep work that ends in a feeling of coitus interruptus when your players totally ignore your OBVIOUS hooks and decide to go left instead of right.

Don't worry, brothers and sisters. I feel your pain. The cavalry is here:

• Maps: Did you ever waste an afternoon with a sheet of graph paper, a sharp #2 pencil, and the old 1st edition Monster Manual? Yeah, me too. I love maps. I love drawing maps. I want to draw badass maps. So I asked the wise gurus on Google+ to help. Map-Making in Games is a Google+ group full of people whose talent is only matched by their willingess to help stupid people like me. I posted a desperate plea for help, and had a page full of links within minutes. Literally minutes. If these folks can't help you, they'll quickly point you toward those who can.

• Worlds: Okay, you have your map, thanks to the badasses linked above. But what's a map if you can't provide any details. Your players want to know things like:

What's the climate like? History? Who's the king? What kind of money do they use? How much does a good hooker cost? How much does a bad hooker cost? Can I trade my +9 Holy Avenger sword for a good hooker?

 These are important questions that your players will probably want to have answered. Well, again, Google+ is the place to be:  World Building Group  This is a crowd who knows how to make shit up. Be it fiction, gaming, or just mental aerobics, damned near every post and link on this group is chock-full of hooks to get your creative gears turning.

Tordek, our quest is to find a hooker willing to service your ugly ass.
(please don't sue me, WotC)

• Last, a shameless plug for my favorite game system and favorite Google Group. I said in a recent post that Savage Worlds has ruined me on gaming, period. Lucky for me, there is a group on Google+ who feels the same way: Savage Worlds on Google Groups.

• Did I say last? No such luck, foolios. The only real way to end this list is with the group that keeps their priorities straight. If you don't spend all your money on gaming crap, that leaves more money for liquor and dwarven hookers. So, for all you drunken Dwarfophiles out there, this group is here to help:  Gaming on the Cheap. This is where you go to get the heads-up on free PDF's, good old rulesets that have gone the OGL route, tips and tricks for terrain...you name it. Be a cheap bastard and still run a kick-ass game.

Okay, dinner's ready and a cold Shiner Bock is sweating a nice condensation ring on my lame hand-drawn map, so I guess it's time to roll. Check out the links, make up cool shit, and try to not hate your players...unless your players are the Honey Boo-Boo family. Then hate 'em all you want.

Can't We All Get Along in 2013? (Don't taze me, bro...I'm just the messenger.)

I like RPG's. I like both CRUNCH and fluff and I like graph paper and pencils. I like goblins, and I like Wayne Reynolds. I won't go so far as to say that RPG's are my only diversion (there's always Xbox, and...did I mention Xbox?), but it's what I enjoy doing most.  There's only one small hangup with this otherwise blissful situation: I don't always like RPG people. And...it pains me to admit, I don't always like Xbox people, either. Or cosplayers.
Okay, I'll admit it: I'm a geek who often doesn't like other geeks. I get hives thinking about interacting with them, with people I should adore as my own chosen ones, people who are definitely US rather than THEM.
I'm not talking about the stereotype of Gamer Guy:


Credit: G4TV (for giving me oddly arousing nightmares)

Yeah, his type is present in both video gaming and tabletop gaming. Yes, we do have our share of obnoxious people in gaming: but take your ass out to a sports bar on Monday night to watch a ball game...the NFL fanbase has waaaaay more obnoxious, socially inept people than the RPG community could ever be blamed for. No, I'm not talking about just obnoxiosity quotient...I'm talking about what it means to be a geek.
To me, when you are a geek, you are totally into something; thus the verb geekin'. It's a state where you want to know details. Everybody knows Imperial Stormtroopers wear white armor; but the true geek knows why they don't wear standard Republic Commando armor, and why they aren't all clones of Jango Fett. The true geek can name you every Doctor Who, and when they played the iconic Doctor. The true geek not only likes Half Life 2, but she can rattle off Gabe Newell's curricula vitae. To me, being a geek is about a willingness to immerse yourself.
That's what I love about being a geek. That's what marks me as a proud member of the clan. But that's also what annoys me about my brethren and sistren:

Geek Rule #1

No detail is so small, nor any point so trivial, that we're not willing to form a seemingly random opinion about it...and argue that position for-fucking-ever.

 

I get it. I swear, I get it, I understand passion, and loving what you love so much that you're willing to defend it. Being a geek, by my above definition, puts you outside the mainstream: you are willing to delve into some subject way beyond the 'norm'. I get the defensiveness that comes with putting yourself out there on the lunatic fringe. But for Chrissakes, let's quit arguing about stupid stuff:

• D&D is stupid, and anyone who plays it sucks.
• 4th edition D&D is stupid (and evil), and anyone who plays it sucks (and is evil).
• Xbox rules, PS3 sucks, and Wii is retarded.
• PS3 rules, Xbox is full of rabid douchebags.
• Star Wars is awesome, but Star Trek is a bunch of idiots.
• Fantasy RPG's are all a bunch of LARPers, running around in the woods.
 

Please, for the sweet baby Jesus' sake: we're all in this together. Star Wars, Star Trek, Xbox, PS3, D&D and Savage Worlds and Doctor Who and BSG and Pathfinder.

 

We all share some mania for things that most of the world considers trivial.

 

While most of the people I know are out in the woods, hunting deer (and duck, and turkey, and anything else that moves), I'm upstairs playing Halo until 3AM. Hey, guess what? That PS3 guy is playing The Last of Us while his friends are out at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the Cowboys get pummeled (again). And that makes us brothers and sisters. That means we're kin. He's not some enemy.

D&D vs. Pathfinder people...people are still arguing this on message boards across the interwebs. Guess what, kids? To most of the world, both sides of this argument are stupid. Both groups are wasting their time playing trivial imaginary games, while they could be sitting on the couch watching Here Comes Honey Booboo like the rest of America. So quit arguing. The girl who really likes D&D 4th edition? Yeah, I hope one day she'll see the light and move on to Savage Worlds. But, until then? Welcome to the family, sister.

 

We're making progress, people. I promise. I'm 43 years old...I remember when science fiction, video games and Dungeons & Dragons got you beat up on a regular basis, when the opposite sex treated a d20 like it was an open, oozing leprosy sore. Thank you, Bill Gates, Wil Wheaton and The Big Bang Theory for making our passions at least a little more palatable to the rest of the world. And one day, I just know it, one day...we will overcome. The day will come when everyone in the world will know the name Malcom Reynolds, and nobody will remember what a Honey BooBoo even is.

But until then, quit arguing about stupid shit, and make 2013 a banner year for all of us.